Why We Need to Move Through Grief

How embodied participation helps the grieving brain organise loss

When someone dies, grief is often spoken about as something we feel internally. But grief is not only internal. It is also cognitive, physical, relational, and embodied.

In early bereavement, many people experience reduced concentration, memory disruption, and emotional overwhelm. This reflects what research describes as the cognitive impact of acute grief or neurocognitive disruption in bereavement (O'Connor, 2019; Shear, 2015). In this state, grief is not just an emotion to understand. It is an experience the brain is actively trying to process under strain.
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This is where action becomes important.

Grief is not processed through thought alone

A common assumption is that grief is something we work through by thinking, talking, or reflecting. But research in bereavement and ritual suggests something broader: grief is processed through experience, not cognition alone.
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Meaning is not formed only through words or explanation. It is also shaped through symbolic action, physical participation, shared ritual, and embodied experience. Funeral rituals, in this sense, become more than ceremony. They become structured experiences that support the mind and body in beginning to organise what has happened.

Why action matters in early grief

In the early stages of loss, the brain is under significant strain. Studies in grief neuroscience show that bereavement can affect systems involved in attention, working memory, emotional regulation, stress response, and cognitive control (O'Connor et al., 2008; O'Connor, 2019).

​This means people may struggle to absorb spoken information, follow complex conversations, make decisions clearly, or retain details from formal ceremonies. Attention may become narrowed, unstable, and easily overwhelmed. In this context, grief can feel foggy, fragmented, or disorganised. Action helps create structure when internal processing is compromised.

What happens when you ‘act’ instead of ‘watch'

The table below contrasts two broad patterns observed in grief research and ritual studies.

These are general tendencies rather than absolutes. Context, personality, and cultural familiarity with ritual all matter.
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What explains this difference? One answer lies in how meaning is constructed after loss.

Action supports meaning-making

Research in grief psychology consistently shows that meaning-making is central to adaptation after loss (Neimeyer, 2016). Ritual research suggests that structured action can support emotional regulation in the short term and help create psychological coherence during periods of loss (Norton & Gino, 2014). This does not mean ritual removes grief. It means it may help grief become more organised, grounded, and integrated over time.

What 'action' actually means in grief

Action in grief does not need to be large or visible. It can be placing an object, lighting a candle, writing a message, touching a coffin or photograph, standing in silence with others, or contributing to music, readings or ritual moments. Action can also happen beforehand: choosing a song, selecting a photo, writing a few words for someone else to read, or simply sharing stories and memories about the person who died. These are still acts of participation, even if you are not able to act on the day.

These are not symbolic extras. They are forms of embodied participation that engage attention, emotion, and memory together.
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This matters because grief is not stored in a single system. It is distributed across emotional, cognitive, and sensory processes.

When grief is only observed

Many modern funerals are structured around observation. People arrive. They sit. They listen. They leave. This is not inherently negative, and for some people it is exactly what is needed.
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However, from a cognitive perspective, passive observation relies heavily on working memory, the very system that acute grief often disrupts. This can mean that parts of a ceremony feel less accessible in memory later, or emotionally distant in recall.

Anthropological understandings of ritual suggest that transitions are strengthened through participation in symbolic action, not only through witnessing meaning (van Gennep, 1909/1960).

Why this matters for long-term grief

Grief is not resolved in a single moment. But early experiences of participation can influence how loss is integrated over time.

Research suggests that when people are able to engage in meaningful ritual or action, they are more likely to construct coherent meaning narratives, maintain ongoing bonds in a healthy way, reduce feelings of unresolved grief, and experience greater emotional integration over time (Neimeyer, 2016; Klass, Silverman & Nickman, 1996).
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Conversely, when people feel passive or excluded, grief may feel less processed and more internally unresolved.

Action is not about doing more

Importantly, action in grief is not about performance, productivity, or obligation. It is not about 'getting it right.' It is about having a way to engage with what is happening in a form that matches capacity in the moment.
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For some people, action is minimal and quiet. For others, it is more visible and structured. Both are valid. What matters is that grief is not left entirely unexpressed or unanchored.

A final reflection

Grief is not only something we think about. It is something we live through, in the body, in relationship, and in action. When people are given space to participate, even in small ways, grief is not made easier. But it is often made more possible to carry.
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Because sometimes, the mind cannot organise loss on its own. It needs something to do while it learns how.

I would be interested in your experience

Have you participated in a funeral or memorial? What was that like for you? Did the act of doing something help anchor the memory?

Or did you feel like an observer, with your attention drifting or the details fading?

I would love to hear either experience, please share in the comments below.

I am here to help and will respond to every comment.

References

• Klass, D., Silverman, P. R., & Nickman, S. (1996). Continuing Bonds. Taylor & Francis.
  
• Neimeyer, R. A. (2016). Meaning Reconstruction in the Wake of Loss. American Psychological Association.
  
• Norton, M. I., & Gino, F. (2014). Rituals alleviate grieving. Journal of Experimental Psychology: General, 143 (1), 266–282.
  
• O'Connor, M. F., et al. (2008). Neural responses to grief. NeuroImage, 42 (2), 969–975.
  
• O'Connor, M. F. (2019). The Grieving Brain. HarperOne.
  
• Shear, M. K. (2015). Complicated grief. New England Journal of Medicine, 372 (2), 153–160.
  
• Van Gennep, A. (1909/1960). The Rites of Passage. University of Chicago Press.