Music That Moves Us: Choosing Music for a Funeral Ceremony

There’s a moment in many funerals when the first notes begin to play — and the air itself seems to shift.

Conversation fades. A hush falls. You can almost feel the collective breath of the room as memories rise unbidden — a dance floor in summer, a childhood bedroom, the passenger seat of an old car, a hand held in the dark.

Music has a way of slipping past the mind’s guard and going straight to the heart. It can hold a whole life inside three minutes, carrying joy, grief, love, and memory in the same breath. That’s why it so often becomes one of the most powerful parts of a farewell.

Why music matters...

Words can falter when we’re grieving. Music doesn’t ask for permission; it moves through us, unlocking emotion we didn’t know was waiting.

Funeral music can:

• Honour the person — reflecting their spirit, quirks, and loves
• Hold space for grief — allowing mourners to feel without explanation
• Create connection — binding everyone present in a shared emotional moment
• Mark transitions — guiding the ceremony from one stage to the next

Music is also a safe emotional container. A song has a beginning, middle, and end — giving structure to feelings that otherwise feel too big or formless (Garrido, 2016; Hanser, 2021).

Choosing music: guidance from the heart

Picking music for a funeral can feel daunting. There’s no right or wrong — only what feels true. Here are some ways to approach it:

• Start with the person – What did they love to listen to? Was there a song they sang loudly in the car, or a piece of music that always made them pause and listen?
• Think about the moment – Music can serve different purposes in a ceremony: welcoming people in, creating a reflective pause, accompanying a photo tribute, or lifting the energy as people leave.
• Consider the tone – Gentle and contemplative? Bold and celebratory? A touch of humour? The tone you choose will shape the emotional arc of the service.
• Involve others – Invite family and friends to share songs that remind them of the person. This can spark meaningful stories you might include in the ceremony.
• Pair music with memory – Sometimes the most moving moments come when a piece of music is introduced with a short story about why it mattered.
• Trust your instinct – If a song makes you stop, breathe, and feel, that’s worth paying attention to.

Research shows…

• Listening to music activates brain regions linked to emotion, memory, and reward, releasing dopamine and lowering stress hormones (Koelsch, 2014; Chanda & Levitin, 2013).
• In bereavement, music can help regulate emotion, provide comfort, and create a sense of connection, even through sadness (Garrido & Schubert, 2013; Hanser, 2021).
• Anthropologists have found that across cultures, music has always been central to death rituals, helping individuals and communities navigate the transition between life and death (Becker, 2004).

A final note

You don’t have to find the perfect song — just one that feels honest. Something that holds a fragment of your person’s story.

As a celebrant, I’ve seen music do what no eulogy could — opening a space where people feel seen in their grief and connected to each other.

If you’re unsure where to begin, make tea, gather with those who loved them, and listen together. Let the songs lead you. You might be surprised at what rises to the surface.

References:
Becker, J. (2004). Deep Listeners: Music, Emotion, and Trancing. Indiana University Press.
Chanda, M. L., & Levitin, D. J. (2013). The neurochemistry of music. Trends in Cognitive Sciences, 17(4), 179–193.
Garrido, S. (2016). Why Are We Attracted to Sad Music? Palgrave Macmillan.
Garrido, S., & Schubert, E. (2013). Benefits of music training and listening for people with post-traumatic stress disorder. Arts in Psychotherapy, 40(4), 433–440.
Hanser, S. B. (2021). Music Therapy: A Guide to Clinical Practice. Routledge.
Koelsch, S. (2014). Brain correlates of music-evoked emotions. Nature Reviews Neuroscience, 15(3), 170–180.